I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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