There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you win again, gameday.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize