Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
