bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
