Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
