i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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