tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize