I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
