i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
