i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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