She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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