I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The struggles of a small town man whore
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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