i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The uberlube is also flammable
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
