I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
