I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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