Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize