My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
