First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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