Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
