sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You ruined the universe
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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