ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
