Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
