I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
