Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
