Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you have to choose: penises or morals?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
