just come out here and I will go home with you...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Randomize
