ya dads aren't the best wingmen
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
