But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
ttyl tear gas
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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