you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
