apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I love having hate sex.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
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