I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
