If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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