I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My feet surprised me
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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