Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
