so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
