i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
