Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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