Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
