I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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