I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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