I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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