You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
