Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm too high and old for this...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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