a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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