wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
