he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
