I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
