When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
