When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
