man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
