doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
