oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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