I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
