I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
