I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
