Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize