In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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