I should be sponsored by Trojan
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Terrible idea I love it
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
