i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
