I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
