I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize