Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
