I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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