YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
