Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
