Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize