i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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