Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
