my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
