I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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