Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
