she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
