I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
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