I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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